...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
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