i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
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