...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
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My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
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You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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