I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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