dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
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