textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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