You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
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Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
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