I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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