i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
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