I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Randomize