We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize