That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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