Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
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