Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
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my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
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I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
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