Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
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This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
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