god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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