I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize