she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Randomize