So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
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Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
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You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
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