probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
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