Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Randomize