I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize