Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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