I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
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