Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
We left an ass print on the piano.
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you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
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He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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