He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I have fence marks all over my body
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
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