I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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