True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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