Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
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