C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
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Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
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He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
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