I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
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I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
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Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
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