I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize