i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
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