operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
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he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
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Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
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