let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
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She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
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Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
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