Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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