another moral hangover. fuck.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
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Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
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Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
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