What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
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