No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
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