bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
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