dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
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