put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
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She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
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He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
dude. I can hear the air.
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