drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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