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you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
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