Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
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