I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
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He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
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he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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