last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
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