Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
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after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
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i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
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