I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize