1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
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Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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